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- Misbehaving children are "discouraged children" trying
to find their place-to belong. Their mistaken ideas lead them
to misbehaving. To be effective we must address their beliefs
rather
than the behavior.
- Try to understand your child’s
motivation – attention,
anger, feeling inadequate, etc. Then help them find appropriate
ways to cope when feeling stressed.
- Catch your child "being
good", meaning-encourage appropriate
behaviors to help children feel "belonging". Positive
attention for acceptable behaviors helps eliminate the motivation
for misbehaviors.
- Spend "special time" with your
child each day. Time (5-10 min.) doing what they would like
to do, focus solely
on them.
By making them feel important in your life, you should see
less misbehavior to get attention. **Remember, to a child negative
attention
is better than no attention at all!
- Give children meaningful
jobs. Often we do the things children can do for themselves
and for each other. Children feel they
belong when they know they can make real contributions.
- Teach
and model mutual respect. One way is to be kind and firm at
the same time. Calm & kind to show respect for
the child and firm to show respect for yourself and the rules
or needs of
your family.
- Make sure the message of love, respect and acceptance
gets through. Start with "I love and care about you. I
can’t let you…"
- When in conflict-try to take
a few seconds or minutes for both of you to cool off-before
solving the problem.
- LIMITS & FOLLOW-THROUGH Set Clear
limits that are age-appropriate. Limits should change with
the child’s age & maturation.
Follow-through with appropriate consequences for breaking limits.
- Be consistent!! If you are rushed or at wits end and change
the rules, limits, or consequences, is it any wonder that
your child does not know what to expect or what is expected
of her.
- Have Fun!! Laugh with your children!! It really is
the best medicine.
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